I did not feed her the drugs, she paid for them and took them willingly, joyfully. The law... living so close to it's sinister edge. They have become thugs, men built on hate who feel that their every action is noble by nature and righteous in demeanor. They came for us in the park and they took her.
I could only sit on my bicycle across the river, smashing my forehead against the bridge piling. I could think only of her fear, interrogated, hallucinating, having order ground into her face and eyes. When the police officer on her bicycle rode by, the true emotions the state desired to impose achieved their effect. Fear, paranoia, a diminished sense of humanity was inescapable; even though I carried with me all my things, I could not be delivered from the sense I had been robbed of everything.
She did it for me... I was supposed to protect her, her innocence and youth. She sacrificed herself to keep me out of prison. I was a coward, I was forced to be a coward... saying that means I still am. I fed a woman I loved, I cared for to the lion of man's fearful belligerence to be saved from it. That alone would have been motive enough... but, listening to her cry over the phone, after interrogation, after release... Her sobs, racking her chest, they have rattled my soul back to the belief that I may indeed have one. This large beast we have all made by our apathy and willingness to be dominated, it must be destroyed; whether the idea by words, or the buildings by Molotovs. Hailey you have made me ready.
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