the Rabid Bat Collective: The Book (2010)

In spring of 2010 I realized that I would be unable to return for my final year of bachelors of fine arts in studio arts at the University of Colorado at Boulder. My significant other, my girlfriend, also left to pursue career opportunities in the Pacific Northwest at the completion of her degree at the mid year semester. I started work on this massive art project in an attempt to occupy myself and chronologically denote and describe a wide range of violent emotions that passed through my person and was environed in my close group of friends there.

This book is constructed from a collection of my own poetry, with contributions from Bachelor of English, creative writing: poetry. Illustration images are watercolor and illustration pen, partnered with corresponding poetry on watercolor paper to follow sequentially:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Words from the Author
-----------------------------------
Substance doesn't deserve
dedication, only the
documentation of it
in our perception does.
-
If that is true, then this is
dedicated to the memories
of the thoughts that made
me feel enough to inter
them here.
...but if it isn't, then this
is for the people who
were there to feel
and see them with me.

Dark Dreams
--------------------------------
-You were sleeping...
-Were your dreams dark? They look frigid.
They were of you.
Everyone was there, does that frighten you?
-No. What were we as?
There were none of these conflicts...
none of these pains which rack my soul.
Just simple- only a litany of pale, smiling faces.
-With open arms?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

''Faces of Linen''

''The Bush of Quiet''

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Memoiric Euphoria

-----------------------------------------------

Drifting in silence

floating downstream

dwindling child beneath the surface

building rock ponds

The last of the frozen liquor

swirling into faces

before it is parched up

to fight off summer's fire

underneath translucent bliss.

''Four Mile Creek''

''The New Prodigy''

Why you go to a Show

-------------------------------------------------------

He wants to stand up for something

a decibel, a sound, a community

To find a way to occupy

spaces, to fill in

things left too empty

that is why the units and

attritious occurance overwhelm

sound is the ticket

sound is the place

When you left

-----------------------------------

Was a feeling

of emptiness, lifting out

wind pulling through

Wanted you to hurry back

but knew it wouldn't be

Only thing I knew

had left to do

scratch at your face

printed in my head.

''For in and out''

''Jackal Accommodation''

Leslie's Dream

------------------------------------

This is the party

everyone you wanted to see

here, drinking ambrosia.

they do not know

they can never leave,

but i do.

Such a small lie

to be convinced by

only wanting to meet

new smiling faces,

but they are of jackals.

Now you know

how knowledge may be made

into pain.

Insomniac Olympics

-------------------------------------------------

couldn't sleep again

arms around knees

curled up sideways

in the lukewarm bath

when I die

put my body

in the fire

and forget everything

I ever did

like winter fog

microscopic ice

levitating in

scattered dawn light

should vanish soon

before 9 o'clock

''The Light Post''

Back and Forth Across the Floor

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

half screaming

half gurgling

shaking on the floor

blood and phlegm

nothing will make you vacant

like watching that arm

snap around the table

teeth crinkle against teeth

we werent meant

to see this

or do this

for ourselves

''Counterweight Needed''

Devil Doppelganger

------------------------------------------------

There is nothing

and no one in this place

to help hold me up

Just a skeleton

propped in the corner

painted with everyones

coldest deeds

and darkest thoughts

This is Hell -

and i feel the Devil

got God by the balls

but stuck in this place

Paranoid

Hateful

Jealous

Who do you tell these things?

That we will see

if I can burn it down

Coffee with Her

--------------------------------------

I am sorry, all my anecdotes are sad,

I have no stories left to lift your heart.

Please, I still want one.

His name was Carlos.

Sorry, I don't understand.

I said, was.

Men do not have names

after they have gone back to dust.

...

You are not dust to me.

''Shaking Night Images''

Blood Tests

----------------------------

fingertips tingling

from blood-pricks

makes me chew them

want to eat the fingers

nervous from nervelessness

caught between

trying to fall asleep

trying to stay awake

you know what it means

we all want to go

serenely into the blackness

but afraid we can take

no help with us

got to find a way

to make all this right.

so I-

bolster myself to know

all I need

I bring with me.

''is this mine?''

Through Communal Perception

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

you should know

you have divinity

as master of your own perception

master of all you have

to justify this world

do not give that away

such a simple thing

not even to a God!

at least

I will make them

force mine from me

''Entite Encounter''

Ferocity of Answers

-------------------------------------------------

yes i have questions

questions about myself

questions about the world

questions about why

not going to get any answers

still mad about that

still mad at purpose & fairness

for being only ideals and abstracts

find god in the logic of man

but that leaves the blame

on shoulders communally mine

that is the quandary

no one wants to stay here

but nobody wants to pay to leave

everybody wants some existence

no one wants to be accountable.

''Construction Notice''

Foretold Action

--------------------------------------

Running like

white powder Indian

across the snow,

Bricks Thrown.

Iron red hatchets

before they're cast

coming from silence

into shattering

You will have to see

that the glass is the same

in the pane

or on the pavement.

in snow.

it screams to me

''you are broken''

I misunderstand, scream back,

''I will break you.''

''Treat me like a Customer''

''Folsom Sprinting''

Lost and Found

It is beautiful to hear

the sound the jacket makes

finally freed from nakedness

in the shivering night

running down fast

at the right turn on Folsom

this is the best part of the hill

silence

on the streets

in the eyes

heart pounding out blocks

breath hushing sirens.

For the Animal

------------------------------------

keep having that dream,

the one...

with the giraffe on fire

running,

writhing,

dying.

keeps coming to tell me-

it doesn't matter

who they were

or where they went

we all burn

for some once done

but that alone

will bring no water.

''Just a Young Doe''

Abrupt Realization

---------------------------------------------

Can't touch the walls,

no longer hold them up.

Turning to vapor,

no longer solid.

Old thoughts, their substance

fluttering away.

Only the white hot

violent and shouts.

Without recollection of yesterday

or expected hoping for tomorrow,

floating up,

unwound from time.

The pain...

from leaving nothing behind.

God, want to kiss you,

hold you like blankets on sheets.

Were you but cold and slender,

I would have left a twig for the river,

but so unique, perfect and warm,

I glimpse a future full of without you.

''Dissolution''

''Color-change-moan''

Realization at Tess

---------------------------------------------

She put her

fingers through mine,

and made

a soft sound.

Then she pressed

her length

against mine.

The world

went purple

and blue

and bright yellow

A few tears

got away,

but i couldnt

tell her why.

But she should know

it was more than

just being loved,

it was the act

of loving

that was causing it.

Questions from an Old Friend

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Its serious huh?

-Yeah.

Id be there just for the asking, but im gonna ask anyway...

Why?

-The issue is a single point perspective of time.

-...if we evolve, we should have at least a double point perception, able to perceive two moments at once without memmory or prediction, which is an idea...

-incomprehensible to us...

-...thats how you know its evolution

... I'm on my way

I'm bringing the baseball bats

''The Wardo Effect''

''Autonomy''

Destroying the word: Should

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Even though it frightens

fills you with agony

...and it will be dark

I swear I will be there

to take away all your ills

I promise you now

the pain is temporary

and the fear, an illusion

A Query of Community

-----------------------------------------------

What is it that makes a soul more than a bitter mote, a carapace for some sin or violence? What is it that makes feeling more than the first excuse to berate or destroy all brotherhood?

Choice, whether in use, or just the knowledge that we are all to be accountable for it. That is what binds us together, no matter what we are, flesh or ether, bond or brightness.

The notion that we are all both actors and observers of this reality made up of all our perceptions is the compromise upon which all sociality is made.

Without this, nothing will be observed, nothing can be known, not even a word can be spoken. Choice, and emotion, we should be grateful for this communion.